


cyar'ika

by Anonymous



Category: Star Wars: Rebels
Genre: AND ALSO SEX, Angst and Fluff and Smut, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Babies, Begging, Belly Rubs, Blind Character, Blindness, Body Hair, Bottoming from the Top, Childbirth, Children, Crying, Cuddling & Snuggling, Discussion of Abortion, Dom/sub, Domestic Fluff, Edgeplay, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Families of Choice, Family Feels, Fatherhood, Feels, Forehead Kisses, Graphic Description, Grinding, Hand Jobs, Happy, Happy Ending, Height Differences, Hormones, Husbands, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Kissing, Literal Sleeping Together, Love, M/M, Masturbation, Men Crying, Morning Cuddles, Naked Cuddling, Not Canon Compliant, POV First Person, Penis In Vagina Sex, Post-Coital Cuddling, Post-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, Praise Kink, Pre-Episode: s02e21-22 Twilight of the Apprentice, Pregnancy, Pregnant Sex, Present Tense, Sad and Happy, Scents & Smells, Self-Indulgent, Self-Insert, Self-Lubrication, Showers, Singing, Sleeping Together, Sleepy Cuddles, Slice of Life, Teasing, That's Not How The Force Works, The Force, Topping from the Bottom, Trans Male Character, Trans Pregnancy, Two Fathers, Unplanned Pregnancy, Vaginal Fingering, Vulnerability, What Have I Done, but I don't give a shit, i think, i'm not taggin everyone bc i'm . Anxious, mild breeding kink?, trans porn, using the force to determine babies genders since 19 bby
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-02-11
Updated: 2020-02-11
Packaged: 2021-02-28 03:47:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,820
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22657249
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/
Summary: “Kanan?”“Yeah, Erim?”“I think something’s . . . I don’t want to say wrong, but-““You feel it too, huh?”
Relationships: Kanan Jarrus & Original Female Character(s), Kanan Jarrus/Original Male Character(s)
Kudos: 11
Collections: Anonymous





	cyar'ika

I wake up slowly. Kanan lies beside me, his arm draped loosely over me. The smattering of hair on his front tickles, and I snuggle backwards into his chest to alleviate the sensation. 

Kanan mumbles softly, not quite waking or sleeping. I take his hand and intertwine our fingers. 

“Good morning,” I say quietly. 

“Can’t be morning,” he replies. “‘S space. ‘S’all relevant.”

I can’t help but laugh at that. I turn to face him and kiss his lips. He returns the gesture with a lazy grin, not even opening his eyes. 

“Last night was really nice,” he murmurs. “You’re amazing.”

“So are you, Kay.” My thigh brushes against his lap, finding his cock already half-hard with just the minimal stimulation of waking. 

He hums, grinding against me with that same sleepy smile. “I love you,” he says, and presses another kiss to my open mouth. 

I reach down to take his length in my hand, slowly moving up and down, up and down, then rub the pad of my thumb over the head. I chuckle and smear the precum across his lips, then kiss him, sucking it away. 

“And I love you,” I tell him. 

His fingers tangle in the hair at the nape of my neck as he pulls me closer and holds me there, kissing languidly, but with no less passion as the night before. His other hand rests against my heart. I take hold of his cock again, jerking him off almost painfully slowly. Each time he bucks his hips into my hand I give him a gentle squeeze and he mewls into my mouth. 

“Say please,” I tell him, “and I might let you come.”

“Nh- _please_.”

I press my thumb against the base of his head. “Please what?”

“Pl–ease, _oh_ —“

“It’s okay. Take your time.” I smirk. “I’m happy to just look at you like this forever.”

Kanan finally opens his eyes, looking at me blearily with those gorgeous aqua-blues. “Please let me come,” he breathes. 

“Of course, lovely.” I pick up the pace and watch as he falls apart in my hands. I continue to stroke up and down his length as he rides out his orgasm, closing his eyes again and spilling his cum over the sheets and our thighs. “You’re so beautiful like this,” I tell him as he comes back to himself. “You know that?”

He chuckles. “All for you,” he reminds me. His eyes open once more as he gives me a cheeky grin and pulls me in for another kiss. “We should hit the ‘fresher before that gets all crusty.”

“Good idea.” I shift into a seated position and crawl over him. “Come on. I don’t think anyone else is up yet.”

He follows after me, both of us giggling like kids as we scamper down the hallway. 

Kanan hugs me from behind as we wash ourselves off. He kisses the top of my head, then rests his cheek on it, his hands wandering under my arms to press against my flat chest. He traces over the scars underlining it with the tips of his fingers. Eventually his hands come to rest on the front of my hips, his thumbs nearly stretching to my navel. I put my own over them and lean into him. 

And then I start to go slack in his grip. A puzzled expression crosses my face. There’s something, but . . . 

“Kanan?”

His cheek doesn’t leave my head. “Yeah, Erim?”

“I think something’s . . .” I lick my lips as I search for the right words. “I don’t want to say _wrong_ , but-“

“You feel it too, huh?” He nuzzles my head with his nose. “Something’s different.”

“Yeah.” I lift his hands from my abdomen and hold them in my own. “There’s something new.”

He sighs, returning his palms to my hips. They stray further up, now, gently cradling my stomach. 

Oh. 

_Oh_. 

“Karabast,” I mutter. There’s something in the base of my hips. A spot that I hadn’t noticed, at first, but now seems blinding. “You’re right.”

“Don’t freak out,” he says, his voice low and soothing. “You’ve got options. There are ways to deal with this. And you’ve got plenty of time to come to a decision.”

I swallow around the lump in my throat. Turning to face him, I hold his hand against my belly. 

“I can feel it,” I breathe. “I can feel them.” I can’t help laughing. “Kay, is this-“

“It’s not my decision to make,” he assures me. “But I’ll be right there beside you no matter what you want to do.”

“And if I wanna keep it?”

“Then I guess I wouldn’t just be a father- _figure_ anymore.” He chuckles. “I’d be a real dad. And so would you.”

I hum, putting my hand over his. “I like that.” I place one hand on the back of his neck and pull him down to kiss him on the lips. “But I’m not sure I want to tell anyone else yet.”

“Ezra’s gonna be able to feel it, y’know.”

“Not as keenly as you did.” I shut the water off. “It’ll be fine.”

“Fine, fine. My lips are sealed.” He follows me out of the refresher and takes the towel I offer him, drying his hair and face before wrapping it around his hips. “Breakfast?”

“Please.” I take a bit more time to wipe away the water from my arms and legs. “I’m starving.”

* * *

Three weeks pass. I’m sitting in the booth around the holochess board, leaning against Kanan and reading a datapad while he and Sabine play against Chopper and Ezra. Hera sits at the table, finishing her dinner. 

“Alright,” Zeb says as he emerges from his cabin. “I’ve had enough of this.”

Everyone looks up at him. 

“What are you going on about?” Hera asks around a mouthful of food. 

“Someone’s scent has been completely thrown off in the last week, and it’s driving me crazy.” He narrows his eyes and scans the room. “Someone’s hiding something.”

Kanan gently squeezes my shoulder. 

Sabine rolls her eyes. “Zeb, nobody’s-“

“He’s right,” I interrupt. I set the datapad down and stand. “I’ve got some news. I know it might not be what you wanna hear, considering our situation, but just . . . Just keep an open mind.” I take a deep, somewhat shaky breath. Kanan stands behind me and takes my hand in his. I give it a tight squeeze as I ground myself. My heart rises in my throat. 

“Erim,” Kanan says softly, “do you want me to-?”

“No,” I whisper. “No, I’m okay.” I force my free hand to stay at my side. Then, making eye contact with Zeb, I say it. 

“I’m pregnant.”

Chopper wails his surprise. 

His eyebrows shoot up. He takes the smallest step back. “Holy sithspit,” he murmurs.

Sabine almost laughs. “Are you for real?”

“Sure am.”

“What,” Ezra teases, crossing his arms, “two rowdy teenagers aren’t good enough for you two?”

I pull him under one arm and tousle his hair. “Say it again, punk. I dare you.”

He laughs as he wrestles out of my grip. 

Hera approaches slowly, worry knitting her eyebrows together. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine, Hera. We may not have planned for this to happen, but it’s okay.” Taking her hands in mine, I turn to look at Kanan. “I want this.”

Kanan drapes one arm across my shoulders. His other hand rests on my diaphragm, then slides down to my belly. “Erim didn’t want to worry you guys.” He knocks his nose against the side of my head. “Made me promise not to tell.”

I return the gesture with my forehead. 

“How long have you known?” Sabine asks. 

“A little more than three weeks,” I tell her, Hera’s hands slipping from my own. “Kanan was able to feel it right away.”

Ezra steps forward. He gives me a look, asking for permission, and I nod. He touches my stomach tentatively, and I put a hand over his, guiding him toward where the tiny baby rests in the cradle of my hips. 

“Reach out,” I encourage. “You got this.”

He stares intently for a moment. His hands shifts slightly to make space for his other, and he closes his eyes, pressing more firmly with his palms. 

“What do you feel?” Kanan asks softly. 

“It’s like . . .” He furrows his brow slightly, but smiles. “It’s like part of a song. It’s not finished, but it’s still nice.” He opens his eyes and looks at Kanan and me. “You’re gonna be great parents.”

“And you’ll have all five of us here to help you out,” Hera assures us. 

“Even if this completely throws off the scent of the whole ship,” Zeb complains with a smile. 

Chopper whistles. 

“No, Chop, we’re not naming the baby Chopper Junior.”

* * *

Kanan lazily strokes one hand down my belly, which has just barely started to curve outwards. He hums, content, eyes closed. 

“What are you doing?” I ask with a smile. 

“Shh,” he responds. “Listening.”

“For what?”

“Trust me.”

I roll my eyes, but the way he said it has me intrigued. I wriggle onto my back and loosely lace our fingers together as I focus on the baby. Sure enough, there’s a steady heartbeat, quick and strong. I squeeze his fingers. 

“Stars,” I murmur. “That’s our little girl.” 

Kanan shifts onto his elbow. “A girl?”

I grin up at him and nod. “I can tell. I can feel it.”

He splays his fingers over my stomach and reaches out with the Force. I can see the realization in his eyes, and then the tears. 

“Told you,” I tease. 

He hums in response and leans in to kiss my cheek. “I love you,” he murmurs. 

I chuckle. “I love you too.” I turn to give him a kiss on the lips. 

He snuggles into me, wrapping himself around my body protectively. I curl inwards and let him, relishing in his touch.

* * *

I’ve been feeling kicks for months, now. Little fluttering sensations, like bubbles in the water. Now, though, as I rub my stomach in an attempt to soothe my daughter, I can feel something push against my hand. 

“Holy sithspit,” I mutter. Zeb, sitting beside me, gets a few quick, almost frantic smacks on the arm. “Zeb, gimme your hand.”

He looks at me quizically, but eventually complies. I put his hand over the spot where she’s kicking. 

“Okay . . . ? What am I-?”

And then she kicks. 

“No way.”

“Right?”

“No karking way.”

“I know!”

She kicks again, and I can see him smile. “Little brat’s a fighter, huh?”

I laugh as he looks over at Ezra and Sabine, bickering about something. “Bean, Ez. Quit fighting and get over here.”

Zeb pulls his hand away and I take Sabine’s wrist, guiding her to where she can feel the baby. 

“Okay, that’s weird.” She pulls away with a smile. “Cool, but super weird.” She takes Ezra’s hand and holds it to my stomach. 

“That’s nuts,” he murmurs as he feels her press against him. “Like, I knew she was in there, but . . .”

Hera pops her head into the room, followed by Kanan. “What’s going on in here?”

“Kay, c’mere.” I stand and show him where to put his hand. “She’s getting active.”

He laughs softly as our daughter kicks at his hand. “Hey, kiddo. It’s your daddy.” He steps to the side of me and brings Hera’s hand to feel. “And here’s Auntie Hera.”

Tears spring to Hera’s eyes as she feels the baby kick. “Hello, love.” She glances up at us. “She’s strong. Just like her dads.” Wrapping her arms around my and Kanan’s necks, she pulls us into a hug. “I’m so happy for you two.”

Kanan and I hug her back. 

“Thanks, Hera,” I mutter. 

“Wait, if Hera’s the kid’s aunt, what does that make us?” Ezra asks. 

“I wanna be Aunt Sabine. I’ve always wanted to be the cool aunt.”

“Guess I’ll be the cool uncle, then.”

“As if, y’little loth-rat. _I’m_ gonna be the cool uncle.”

“You’re not even the cool Lasat!”

Zeb growls.

* * *

The parental ward at the base is, understandably, only a tiny portion of the medbay. Kanan and I watch the holo of the baby as a medical droid scans my belly. 

“Fetus estimated to be twenty-two weeks into development, leaving between sixteen and eighteen weeks until anticipated delivery. Everything appears to be progressing as normal,” it says. “Would you like to know the sex of the baby?”

Kanan and I glance at one another. 

“It can’t hurt,” he reasons. 

I nod as we both turn back to the droid. “Sure.”

It continues its scan for a moment, clearly looking for something, then stops. “It would seem that the two of you can expect a healthy baby boy. Congratulations.”

Kanan’s eyebrows knit together. “A boy? Are you sure?”

“Eighty-six point nine percent, yes. Though there is always some room for error.”

I look at Kanan with a cheeky grin. “Guess our little one takes after me, hm?”

He laughs. “Yeah, I guess so.” He kisses my head. “Don’t worry. I might’ve picked up some stuff from Depa. We’ll be fine.”

“Mm, I know.”

* * *

I wake up early one morning, cool air against my back where Kanan should be, to the sound of him singing softly and gently caressing my baby bump. I don’t know what he’s singing, but it’s Twi’leki, from what I can tell. I can just barely recognize some of the words. I smile, reaching out to pet his hair. 

“Did I wake you?” He asks, almost sheepish. 

I nod, not opening my eyes. “Come cuddle?”

He chuckles. The mattress shifts as he climbs over me and resumes his place behind me. His words wash over me, and I can feel his voice vibrating in his chest, flush against my back. I pull on his arm to use as a pillow. When the song is over, he turns his attention to me. He strokes my cheek with the backs of his fingers and tickles at the stubble on my jaw. I can’t help but giggle, and he turns me to face him so he can press a soft kiss to my lips. 

“You’re amazing,” he murmurs. “You’re stunning like this.” Applying gentle pressure to my shoulder, he turns me onto my back, which grants him access to my neck. He kisses me there, slow and sweet. One hand roams my chest. “My handsome man.”

“Mmm.” I try not to moan as I open my eyes. “I could say the same thing for you.”

He laughs; an adorable sort of half-snort. “I mean it.” He kisses me, open-mouthed and devout. “I love you. More than every star.”

I pull him down and kiss him again. “I love you too,” I whisper. 

“Erim, can I-?”

“Please.”

He laughs again, bright and mostly breath, as he pulls my pants down and I wriggle out of them, kicking them aside. He straddles my thighs and puts both hands on my belly before leaning over to kiss me once again. His hands explore it slowly, from top to bottom, both sides, even playing teasingly with the hair smattered across it and leading down to my crotch. One of his hands stays down there, between our legs, and a long finger starts to rub at my t-cock. I sigh, bucking my hips into his touch as best as I can. 

“Come on,” I say as he pulls his mouth away from mine for breath. “I know you want more than just that.”

He almost whines. 

“What do you want, Kay?” I arch my back so my belly grinds against his dick, still trapped inside his boxers. “Do you want to fill me up again, like you did when you put our baby inside me? Is that it?”

“Yeah,” he pants. He steadies himself with one hand by my shoulder. 

“Go lower,” I tell him. “See how wet you make me.”

He does as he’s told. He probes at my labia, and I can feel his finger come away coated with my cum. He licks his lips. “So kriffing wet,” he says softly. 

“Go deeper,” I order. 

Once again, he follows directions. But he uses two fingers this time. 

“I love it when you finger me,” I moan as I close my eyes. I shift my thighs to give him better access, and he understands immediately, kneeling between my legs. 

“Anything for the father of my child,” he says. He laughs softly, pulling out of me to stroke my clit once more. “But I know you prefer this.”

“Mm, you’re just saying that because you want to get your cock inside me.”

“Is it working?”

“Maybe.” I open one eye. “But I want you to show me just how badly you want me. 

He groans, pushing his boxers down to his knees and pulling them off. He tosses them aside and shows me his member, hard and ever so slightly leaking. His gaze seeks approval. “Please,” he breathes. 

I think on it for a moment. “In a little bit,” I say, sitting up. “For now, just touch yourself. And don’t even think about putting a hand on me.”

I can see him deflate slightly, but he wraps a hand around his own length all the same and slowly starts to jerk himself off. He gasps, his other hand steadying himself on his thigh, and keeps his eyes on me. It goes on for a while, and he picks up the pace, cursing and moaning my name, until I can see him start to unravel. 

I pull his hand away. “Now stop.”

Kanan whines, panting and periodically glancing down at his own twitching member. “Erim,” he breathes, “I’m so _close_ . . .”

I kiss his cheek. “I know, baby. I know. Give it a minute.”

Reluctantly, he does. His breathing slows a bit. 

“Now, look at me.”

He does. His blue-green eyes are hazy with arousal. 

“Are you gonna blow your load as soon as I touch you?” I ask. “Or are you gonna be good?”

“I’ll be good,” he replies. 

“You promise?”

“Of course. I promise.”

“Good.” I smile. “Now beg.”

“Erim, _please_ ,” he keens. “Please, I want to be inside you so badly. It _hurts_ ; I don’t know how much longer I can take it. I need to come. And I wanna do it inside you. Please, please, _please_ -“

“Okay.”

He sighs with relief, lining himself up with my pussy. He presses in, and I hum with contentment at the familiar stretch. 

“Take it slowly,” I say. “Let’s savor this.”

He whines again, but complies. He shakes as he slowly pumps in and out of me. His hips begin to stutter as he approaches orgasm. He wraps his arms beneath me and pulls me up, holding me flush against him even with my belly. I moan and clutch at his back as he pounds deeper into me, and he groans against my shoulder as he finishes, simply staying still within me as he rides out the high. 

“I love you, Kanan Jarrus,” I whisper against his ear. “I love you so much.”

“I love you too, Erim Jarrus.” He laughs, pulling out and rolling to one side. “All these years, and you still make me go weak at the knees.”

I smile and kiss him, slow and sweet. “As if you don’t do the same thing to me.”

“I dunno; you seemed pretty confident just there.”

“Only ‘cause I know you’re putty in my hands.”

“You know it.” He cradles my cheek and kisses me again. “I’m all yours.”

“I love it when you say that.”

* * *

The night after Kanan and Ezra get back from Malachor, nobody can sleep. Through the walls I can feel Ezra’s guilt, Hera’s pain, Sabine’s uncertainty, and Zeb’s lingering sense of helplessness. But the strongest feeling comes from Kanan, only a meter or two above me in his bunk, deliberately trying to block me out. 

The baby kicks. I gently trace my fingers over the spot, trying to soothe my daughter, but I know she can feel my sadness. She knows something is wrong. 

I try turning onto my side. There’s no relief from the ache in my back, even after I prop my belly up with my pillow. The other way isn’t any better. I sigh and roll onto my back again, pulling the blanket over my face with a low groan. 

“Are you okay?” Kanan asks. His voice is flat. 

“No,” I admit. “I miss you.”

“It’s just for a few nights,” he says. “Just until I don’t need the wrap anymore.”

“I know. But I still miss you.”

I can hear him shift above me. One arm stretches down, and I take his hand in my own. He gives me a gentle squeeze. 

“It’ll be okay,” he assures me, but there’s no missing the way his voice breaks on the last word. “I’ll be fine. We both will.”

I squeeze his hand tightly, sitting up to kiss his knuckles. “I’m sorry,” I murmur as I lean my forehead against his wrist. 

He maneuvers to pet my hair. “Don’t be. This isn’t your fault. It’s just something we’ll need to learn to live with.” 

“Kanan?”

“Yes, Erim?”

“Promise me you’ll tell me when you’re hurting.” I take his hand in both of mine. “I don’t want you to have to do this alone. Because you’re not alone, okay? We’re here for you.” Tears are flowing freely down my cheeks now. “ _I'm_ here for you. And you’ve been there for me for the last eight months, so just let me return the favor, okay?”

He holds me tightly. His grip is firm, but not painful. Never painful. It grounds me when I feel like my anxieties are carrying me away. He helps keep me centered in the storm. 

“I promise,” he says softly.

But still there’s a barrier around his emotions, and it feels like a blade against my heart.

* * *

I wince as the muscles in my lower back tense. Leaning against a table, I shift my weight from one foot to the other. 

Chopper whirrs questioningly. 

“I’m fine,” I tell him. “Go see if Hera needs anything.”

He whistles, clearly not believing me, but heads off anyway. 

The pain starts to subside after a minute or so. I check the clock. How long has it been since the last time that happened? An hour? Two hours? My sense of time is nonexistent on a good day, so I pick up a marker and jot it down on my hand. _11:38_. 

Walking. Walking is supposed to help. I push off of the table and make my way to the commissary, but nothing really catches my eye. I keep going. I walk more or less aimlessly for at least forty minutes, checking the clocks every so often. 

“Kanan,” I call out as I see him meditating on one of the balconies. A few hairs have escaped his ponytail and blow in the breeze. 

“Erim,” he replies. I can see his smile as I approach. “How are you holding up?”

“I’m hanging in there,” I tell him. “Your daughter is doing a number on my back, though. 

He chuckles. It’s been softer these last two months; more subdued. I brush away the thought as he puts his hands out to get a sense of where I am, feeling his way to my belly. “Not for much longer. She’ll be coming any day now, right?”

“Mmm, yeah.” I put my hands on his biceps. “Crazy, right?”

“Insane.” He kisses the top of my head. 

The aching pain starts to radiate from the small of my back once more. I press my forehead to his chest and take a deep breath. 

Kanan puts one hand on my shoulder. “Are you okay?”

I nod. “Yeah. Just a little cramp.”

“Seems like more than a little one. I can feel it.” The hand still on my belly shifts downward. “Do you think it’s time?”

“Maybe,” I mumble. “Not quite yet, though.” The tension lets up and I look up at him. Half of his face is covered, but I can practically see the way his eyebrows are surely knit together with concern. I press a kiss to his slightly-parted lips. “Labor can take hours to progress. I don’t want to just lie in the medbay in pain while you sit there helpless.”

“I know you don’t.” He cups my cheek. I lean into the touch. “But you should get yourself checked out.”

I sigh. “I know. But . . .”

“But?”

I whine. “I’m scared.”

“I know. I hear it’s not exactly a walk in the park.”

“Gee, thanks.”

He chuckles. “But you can do this. I know you can. You’re strong, physically and mentally. And you’re stubborn, and dedicated, and you don’t give up. And I love you.” He kisses me gently. “I believe in you, Erim.”

I smile at him. “Thank you. I love you too, Kanan.” I put my hand over his. “And I love our daughter.”

“I know you do. Which is how I know you’ll do whatever it takes to finally meet her.”

* * *

Hours later, I’m nude in the medbay, leaning heavily against a chair and moaning. 

“Kanan,” I say, almost pathetically, “it hurts.”

“I know,” he says gently, rubbing my back. “I know. But you’re doing great.”

Someone enters the room and says something. It takes a moment for me to register that it’s Hera, asking Kanan how far along I am. The contractions are four minutes apart now. I’m nauseous. My entire body aches. 

“It hurts,” I say again. “I want her out.”

“I know, Erim. That’s what we’re all here for.” Hera slips on a pair of gloves. “Kanan, I need to check their dilation.”

“Right.” Kanan pulls one of my arms around his shoulders. “We gotta get back to the bed, okay?”

I only groan in response, but stumble in its direction nonetheless. Kanan helps me up and gets me as comfortable as he can. I spread my legs and squeeze his hand, gasping as Hera’s fingers enter me. 

“Feels like you’re almost there,” she says as she removes herself. She drapes a sheet over my legs. “Think you can hang in there a little longer?”

“Do I have a choice?” I try to laugh, but it comes out as a strangled sort of sob. She pets my thigh soothingly. 

“It’s not far now, hun. Soon you’ll be holding your daughter and this will all feel like a bad dream.”

I give Kanan’s hand another squeeze. “Don’t leave,” I whisper. 

“Of course.” He kisses my sweaty forehead. “I’m not going anywhere.”

There’s a soft knock on the door. I glance up to see Sabine, Ezra, and Zeb through the tiny window. Hera gives me a look. 

“Sure,” I say. “Just no Chopper. He’s too- augh!” I shut my eyes and throw my head back as another contraction starts up. 

“Breathe,” Kanan says softly. 

“I’m kriffing breathing, Jarrus.” My hands shake with the effort of trying not to give in and push. 

“I know. I know. You’re doing so good.”

I let out a whimper as someone touches my arm. My hand flies up to reach for them and they take my hand. 

“How you feeling?” Sabine asks. 

“Karking miserable,” I say through grit teeth. The contraction fades and I take in a few gulps of air. “Kanan, remind me to snap your dick clean off when this is over.”

He laughs through his nose. “Sure thing.”

Ezra stumbles on his way over. His grip on the side of the bed rivals my own on Kanan. He starts to say something, then looks down.

“Ezra?” Kanan’s voice is laced with concern. 

“I’ll get him outta here,” Sabine offers. “You can do this, Erim.”

“Thanks,” I manage. 

Zeb steps forward. He tentatively touches my shoulder, but his large hands are overstimulating. 

“Garazeb Orellios,” I pant, “do not karking touch me.”

His hand is gone in an instant. “Right.”

Another contraction starts up. I don’t bother trying to stop myself from crying out; the pain and pressure is almost unbearable. 

“Hera,” I gasp, “I need to push.”

“You’re almost there, Erim. You’re so close. Just a little longer, okay?”

Kanan rubs my knuckles with the pad of his thumb, singing softly in Twi’leki. 

“I need to check your dilation again,” Hera says gently. 

I relax a bit as the contraction ends. “Okay.”

Her fingers enter me again, and I whine at the sensation. 

“Okay,” she says. “Here comes the hard part.”

“That wasn’t the hard part?”

Zeb strokes my arm gently. 

“What did I _just_ karking say?”

He pulls away again. “Sorry! It’s instinct.”

I turn towards Kanan, reaching for the arm he has wrapped around my shoulders with my free hand. He holds it tightly to form a sort of protective circle around me. 

“Next time you feel the urge,” Hera says cooly, “I want you to push, okay?”

My voice is small. “Okay.” 

As instructed, when the next contraction comes a moment later, I push with it. A shout tears itself from my throat as I do. The pressure lets up to a degree, but the pain is tenfold as the baby descends through my birth canal. I’m screaming, and if there are words, I don’t know what they are. And I don’t care. I just need to be done. 

“Good job,” Hera encourages as the contraction comes to an end. "I can already see her head."

But I don’t have long to rest; I can feel another wave of pain hot on the heels of the last. 

“I can’t do this,” I sob. “I can’t. It hurts so bad.”

“You can,” Kanan says soothingly. He kisses my temple. “I know you can. You’re so brave. So strong. I believe in you. Focus on your breathing, okay?”

I try to breathe with him as I push again. It burns as I stretch open around her head, panting and crying. Kanan holds my hands tightly. 

“She’s crowning, Erim. Keep going.”

I groan as the contraction comes to an end. Though part of me knows I shouldn’t, I use the Force to continue pushing. I let out an aching cry as the burning lets up a bit, and I can feel her head dangling between my legs. 

“You’re doing amazing, Erim.” Hera’s fingers deftly swipe inside me. “No cord around her neck. I’m gonna try to help you turn her, okay? It’ll make it easier to get her out, but you’ll have to try not to push so hard for a minute.”

“Let me try something.” Kanan lets go of my hands for a moment. He moves down, hovering above the lower part of my belly. I can feel our daughter shifting inside me and gasp, clutching at the sheets. 

“Karabast, that hurts!”

“I know, Erim.” His other hand reaches back up and I take it, holding on to him as tightly as possible. “You should be good to go now. Hera’s gonna help you out, okay? You have to trust her.”

I whimper as he takes his place at my side once more. He presses his forehead against mine. 

“You can do this,” he whispers. “It’s almost over.”

“We’re in the home stretch now, hon.” Hera strokes my thigh. “Ready?”

“As I’ll ever be,” I mutter. I can feel the contraction mounting, bare my teeth, and push, screaming as the shoulder stretches me again. Hera tugs lightly, bringing the baby up and down gently to wriggle her free. 

“Holy sith hells, it hurts!”

“I know, I know. You’re doing so good.”

“Get her OUT of me!”

“I’m doing what I can, Erim. Keep at it. You’re so close.”

The contraction ends, and I sob, turning back towards Kanan. “Kay, it hurts!”

“I know. Just keep going; you’re doing amazing.”

Hera holds the baby in place as I wait for another contraction. I push gently, but make no measurable progress. Finally, mercifully, my stomach contracts once again, and I push. My daughter’s thick body is pulled from me and I throw my head back against the pillows. I laugh as she begins to cry. 

Kanan kisses my forehead over and over. I look up at him blearily, and he’s smiling above me with tears in his eyes. “You did it,” he says softly, and kisses me, desperate and sloppy, on the lips. “We have a little girl. Erim, we have a perfect little girl.”

I laugh and kiss him back. His face is wet with tears, and I’m soaked with sweat, but neither of us care. 

Hera cleans her up and wraps her in a blanket, then lays her gently in my arms. 

“Oh,” I whisper. “She’s beautiful.”

Kanan’s smile is tinted with sadness. “I’m sure she is.” He reaches out to stroke her cheek. “Hey, sweetheart. Nice to finally meet you.” He sobs, laughing. “Sorry I’m such a mess.”

“Oh, you’re one to talk,” I tease, then lean against his shoulder. “She’s got so much hair,” I tell him, guiding his hand to the top of her head. It’s still somewhat damp with blood and amniotic fluid, but it’s dry enough. “She won’t open her eyes, but it looks like she’s got your nose.”

“Aw,” he chuckles. “Poor kid.”

“You’ve got a great nose, Kay.”

“You have to say that; you’re my husband.”

“And that makes it less true?” 

Kanan kisses my temple again. “Can I hold her?”

“Of course.” I lift her into his arms and help him support her head. 

“Hey, baby.” He holds her close to his chest, his shoulders curling around her protectively, and kisses her between the eyes. “Hi. It’s Daddy.” His shoulders shake as he cries, still laughing, and presses his forehead to hers. “I love you so much,” he murmurs. 

I lean back against the pillows as I watch him cradle our daughter. She coos, reaching up to touch his beard, and he laughs. “Yeah, I’m here. It’s okay. I’ve got you.”

Zeb folds his arms and approaches carefully. “She’s _tiny_ ,” he whispers. 

“Do you want to hold her?” Kanan asks. 

Zeb leans back. “Uh, no. No, I’m- I’m good. I’m all set.”

Kanan cocks an eyebrow at him. 

“Wh- she’s so _small_!” He sputters. And then, more quietly: “What if I hurt her?”

“You won’t,” Hera assures him. 

“He just wants to get a jump on an excuse to get out of babysitting duty,” I chuckle. “Come on, Zeb. Give it a try.”

He makes a low whining sound. “Fine,” he says, and positions his arms as Hera instructs. Kanan carefully lays her in his arms and he instinctively adjusts his grip, holding her securely. “Karabast, she’s even littler than I thought.”

“She’s actually pretty big for a human baby,” Hera informs him. 

“Not possible. No living thing could ever be smaller than this.”

There’s another knock on the door. Sabine is peeking through the window, and I nod, gesturing for her to come in. 

“Alright, where’s the _ik’aad_?”

“Zeb has her.”

She starts to fuss, and Kanan takes her back into his arms. “I think she wants her dad,” he says. 

I sit up a bit, trying to ignore the dull ache in my back, and bring her back into my arms. She looks up at me with wide, dark eyes. 

“I don’t have any milk,” I tell her. “Sorry.”

She continues to stare up at me blankly. 

I smile and kiss her forehead. “Hera, we have formula, right?”

“Sure do. I’ll get that set up for you.”

“You’re an angel,” I tell her. 

“I know.”

Sabine and Ezra crowd around Kanan and me, trying to get a better look at the baby. 

“What’s her name?” Ezra asks. 

I think for a moment. “Leda,” I decide. 

Sabine smiles. “ _Olarom, Led’ika_.” She tousles her hair. “Don’t worry. We’ll keep you safe, okay?”

Ezra takes her hand. She grips his finger tightly. “She looks just like you, Kanan,” he comments as she sucks on his finger. 

He laughs. “So I’ve been told.”

I take Kanan’s hand and guide it under Leda, so he’s helping to hold her against my chest, and he wraps his other arm around my shoulder. I nuzzle my head into his cheek and simply stare down at our daughter in awe. 

“I love you so much,” I murmur, my voice catching in my throat. “Both of you. All of you.”

Kanan squeezes my shoulders. “We love you too.”

* * *

It takes a few days for Kanan to really let me in again. 

He cradles Leda to his chest, singing the Twi’leki lullaby we now both know by heart. Her breathing is soft as she drifts into sleep. 

“Hey,” I whisper, coming up beside him. 

He doesn’t stop singing, but bumps his hip against me as he sways. 

“She’s already out,” I laugh, my voice barely above a whisper. I have to stand on my tiptoes to kiss his cheek. 

He chuckles lightly. “I know. There’s just something about it. I don’t really want to stop.” He turns and kisses my head. 

I hum, wrapping my arms around his waist. “You’re kinda sexy like this,” I tell him. 

“Am I, now?”

“Mm. Everyone loves a man who loves his family.” 

“Don’t I know it. You’re not so bad yourself.” He giggles. “Even before Leda was born, I’d imagine you doing this kinda thing sometimes. Always made me smile.”

I glance up at him. “And now?”

His smile falters. “It still makes me smile,” he says cautiously as he lays her down in her crib. “But I wish I could see the real thing.”

“Kay . . .”

“It’s dumb; I know. It doesn’t really matter.” He sighs. “I never imagined I’d be a father. When we realized you were pregnant, I was nervous, sure, but mostly I was kriffing thrilled. And then on Malachor-“ his voice breaks. 

I bring him over to our bed and sit him down. “It’s gonna be okay,” I say softly. 

“I didn’t think I’d never see her face,” he admits. “When we first got back, I thought I’d accepted it. At least I’d still get to be in her life, y’know?” He laughs, hollow. Tears are starting to roll down his cheeks. “But these last few days . . .”

I put a hand on the back of his neck and press our foreheads together. “It’s not a linear path,” I tell him. “Some days are easier than others.” I bring him into my arms and let him hug my shoulders tightly, burying his face in the crook of my neck. “We’ll get through this, okay?”

I can feel him reaching out to me with his mind. There’s a flash of red, then white, and then darkness. I rub soothing circles into his shoulder blade and focus on the mental image of Leda. Screaming as she takes her first breaths. Cradled in our arms. Smiling up at me. Sleeping on her back. 

Kanan sobs, but I can feel his joy rolling off of him like a wave. “Stars, she’s beautiful.” He pulls back and holds my face in his hands, kissing me. “Thank you so much.”

“How much did you see?” I ask him. 

“All of it.” He laughs. “She really is tiny in Zeb’s arms, huh?”

“I know. It’s ridiculous.” I laugh, cupping his cheeks and kissing him back. “Are you gonna be okay?”

He nods. “I’ll be fine,” he assures me. “I know that’s not exactly your strong suit, so-“

“Don’t worry. I’ll make sure to practice.” 

“Erim-“

“Shh. It’s okay. It’s the least I can do.”

“You’ve already done so much.”

“But I _want_ to do this.” I kiss the bridge of his nose, right on his scar. “You deserve to know what your daughter looks like.” Another kiss, this one trailing off to the side so his eyelashes brush my lips. “Even if it’s just snapshots once in a while.” 

He laughs, half-heartedly trying to push me away. “Erim, stop. It’s . . .”

“Part of you,” I finish for him. “It adds character. Gives you an air of mystery.” I kiss the far corner of his eye. “And I gotta admit; it’s a little bit sexy.”

“You think everything about me is sexy.”

“Damn right.” I leave another trail of kisses across his other eye. “And, sure, I’ll miss those pretty aqua eyes, but these pale blue ones are just as beautiful.”

I can feel more than see him blushing. “You’re too sweet.”

“What, don’t you believe me? I can turn the lights on right now. See if I can give you a good look.”

“I’ll take your word for it.” He grabs my waist and pulls me down onto the bed, bringing a yelp from my throat. “I’m tired. We gotta get some sleep while we can.”

I pull his hair out of his usual ponytail and card my fingers through it. “Goodnight, then.”

He holds me gently against his chest. “Goodnight.”

**Author's Note:**

> mando'a translations:  
> cyar'ika: little love  
> ik'aad: baby  
> olarom, led'ika: welcome, little leda


End file.
